And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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