This is not my ceiling
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
