he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I skipped work to stalk him.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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