Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
