it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I cockslap morals
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
