How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
