I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
