Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
