we have officially lost it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
