Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
