So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
