Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
