So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
