i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
