You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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