Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
