Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
