Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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