apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
worst night to have a conscience
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
