garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
