yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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