covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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