I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
