i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
this just has baby written all over it
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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