Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
