Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
last night I used snow as a chaser
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
