using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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