drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
This is my gift to your gina
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
