Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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