nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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