I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
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Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
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I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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