I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
