I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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