Just fell off a train. Bad.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize