I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
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Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
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And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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