Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
