Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
