They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
