oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
