New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
