Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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