You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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