ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
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So squirting runs in the family.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
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People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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