I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
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