Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
