im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
