Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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