He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
