I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
