I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
