i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
