I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
