it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
