she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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