I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
