i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
