is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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