my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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