dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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