my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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