Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
