Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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