He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
