I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
